I sentenced our prince and my good friend for two months of pure torture. I really didn't want to but seeing as everyone wanted to kill him pretty much or at least have him step down I knew that this was the best exit for him. I'm actually quite thankful of Jareth who let me do this because I knew that if he had said no I would have automatically had to keep my mouth shut and go along with what he said.
I really don't think that this is really fair because he didn't do anything remotely bad. Its not like he killed another one of us or betrayed the UACA like Shannon did. It was a simple mistake that turned out with horrible consequences. I don't really blame him. I'm actually quite disturbed with myself after seeing Alex, my good friend, being dragged off after what I said to him. It's my fault that he has to be going through this now.
I have to think very carefully now because this changes everything that I had planned. I feel like I'm going further into the dark side. It's grabbing me and taking me away from my morals. Alyssa warned me that this could happen before her death and I never doubted that it would but I'm surprised on how cold I've gotten in the last two weeks. I need to talk to someone who actually knows what I'm going through but I don't think that there is anyone who knows. I used to talk to Alyssa and she told me everything that I had to know about myself. When she died I took it upon myself to ask Alexis for help because I knew that she knew as well. Then she died and now I'm left by myself, without a clue on what to do.
I know I won't be able to stop the fact that I am what I am and I won't be able to stop the power that is consuming me. I just have to keep my priorities straight, keep my loyalty to the UACA as it's leader and keep in close contact with the human world. It might not seem like much but the time that I spend with the people of this world and just seeing how normal everything seems to them lets me control myself and know that as bad as my life is I wouldn't want the world to suffer the same, if not worse, torment as I do. It's all up to me to make sure that I remember why I created bonds to the human world in the first place.
I really don't want to go back to do what I was doing but unfortunately it's my duty and I know that they're waiting for me. I'm going to go and talk to Jareth right now. Just him. He always manages to make me feel better even if it's just with a simple hug. I have grown to be really dependent of him and part of me is scared to death of being that close to someone. I guess I can't help it now.
Well I guess I have to live anyway...
- BlackFireMyth -
Days to the EP...13!
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